Marion Ravenwood (Raiders of the Lost Ark)

It's a momentous day here at the Portraits Studios. It's the day Susan B. Anthony struggled to reach, but sadly never saw. It's a day Martin Luther King probably had some kind of dream about at some point. Yes, it's the day a lady joins the ranks of Badassery. And not just any lady.

You may know her as Marion Ravenwood, archaeological foil to famed Nazi hunter Indiana Jones. But what you may not know are her other titles, such as: Queen Mayor of Awesome Town, The Steel Livered Lady of Upper Mongolia, or The One Person to Maintain Any Semblance of Respect in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Of all the sassy dames Indy has encountered over the years, it's always Marion that stands alone on the top of the hill. Because she has probably punched out or out drank everyone else. Twice.

Now, after doing a lot of research into why Marion stands out as THE perfect exemplar of Badassery, I came across this photo, which is a stellar summation of the available data:

Get it? In this simple action figure publicity photo, we can clearly see that Marion is as equally gifted with a frying pan as she is with a sword. The perfect woman! In fact, if we examine the items she uses as weapons in Raiders, we find a startling synchronicity:

. Frying Pan
. Swords/Knives
. Full Length Mirror
. Guns

To wit, she is as comfortable using the archeotypical weapons of a man, just as she is subverting long held symbols of femininity and domesticity into potent objects of violence. And that, fellow scholars, is pretty badass. Yes, Marion's a gal who knows her way around the kitchen. But cross her, and she'll use that knowledge to break most of the bones in your body.


Special Topics Section: Last year, we were all present for the highly anticipated film event "Indiana Jones and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull." Over the course of this movie, it can be politely said that a handful of zany events occured and then the credits rolled. Mountains of dignity lost all around. Such as:

. Indiana Jones hiding in a refrigerator and then weathering an atomic blast thanks to the lead lining of the aforementioned refrigerator.
. Shia Le Beef swinging through the tree tops of an animated jungle with a small army of animated gorillas.
. Dr. Marcus Brody reduced to statue form, and then having to suffer the indignity of having his head knocked off due to hijinks.

Through it all, Marion thankfully keeps her poise and respect, mainly by keeping wacky CGI dealings to a bare minimum. And for that, we're truly thankful. Because, let's be honest, if we wanted "hilarious" antics from our Indy Jones ladies, we would have asked for Willie Scott back. Which we didn't. Ever.

In closing, here's a fantastic version of "Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better)" as imagined between Marion and Indy.

Badassery Quotient: 165%

What it would take for me to fuck with him/her: I would need the guarantee a drinking contest would in no way be involved, and the knowledge I wasn't dressed as a Nazi or had a French accent.